


You were there for me, let me be there for you too.

by Readingwilde



Category: The Bletchley Circle
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Lesbian Character, London
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-12-13 22:44:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readingwilde/pseuds/Readingwilde
Summary: Based in the beginning of Season 2, ep. 4.





	1. I'll take care of you now

**Author's Note:**

> Based in the beginning of Season 2, ep. 4.

Millie cried on the private Caffe, while Alice and Lucy listened to her babbling. 

"Oh, Jasper. He was bluffing," her face is red, tears running through her cheeks. 

Lucy thinks to herself that she's never seen Millie like this before. Not ever, not even when, during the war, they heard the bombs so close they didn't even know if they had been hit themselves. She was always so calm, she had the power to make everyone around her feel safe always. Always but now. 

"He always thought he could bluff his way out of anything. I met him playing cards in the war, and he was bluffing then. And he lost."

"It's alright". A tear runs down Alice's cheek too, seeing her friend in this state is not easy. 

"It's not alright. It's really not", Millie covers her face with her hand, as she continues to sob. 

Jean arrives at the table. 

"What did you tell the police?" Alice asks her immediately. 

"Where the body is. What was done to him", only Jean could have the strength to talk about something like that without collapsing in that precise moment, after they had been through what they had been through. 

"Did you tell them who did it?" Millie asks, trying to reassure herself. 

"They can take it from here." Lucy wants to trust Scotland Yard now more than ever, for her friend's sake. "All the black market stuff in the lockup, they can tie that to the Magros easily enough. Did you tell them about Marta's restaurant?"

"I told them everything."

"You don't have to worry anymore. They will go to jail for this." Lucy looks at Millie. She really can't stand seeing her this way, she just wants whoever hurt her so badly to be punished. If it were up to her, they would rot in prison, those bloody…

"I don't want to go home…" Millie sobs desperately. 

"You can stay with me", Alice jumps fast enough, wanting to help her friend. 

"But you've got Lizzie," Lucy replies "stay with me, Millie, I've got enough space". 

Alice turns to Lucy. 

"But I don't mind having her. Lizzie likes her, she'll be thrilled to have some company other than me". 

"No, Alice" Millie intervenes. "Lucy is right, I shan't bother you anymore." She turns to Lucy. "Thanks, Luce". 

Lucy extends her hand and places it over Millie's, noticing that this movement is closely followed by Alice's stare. 

"I'll take care of you now, Millie, I promise". 

______

After a quick run to Millie's flat to get some of her things, they arrive at Lucy's just before it gets dark outside. Lucy's flat is as simple as Millie's, if not more: she has one bed, a little bigger than Millie's own, a table with a few chairs around it and a small kitchen.

"What will I do now?" Millie lets her own weight drop in one of the chairs. "I have no job, no income, no nothing at all."

"Millie" Lucy gets closer to her, she kneels down to be at a similar level, although Millie being higher than her, and seated, Lucy ends up looking at her from below "stop worrying for once, please. I can take care of you for as long as you need. My new job pays good enough for both of us." She puts her hand over Millie's.

"But I don't want to be a burden. You had your new flat, your new job, your new…" Millie looks away from her. 

"My new what?" Lucy tries to catch her glance again, without succeeding, "my new what, Millie?"

"Your new life!" Millie stands up, "and now I go and ruin everything by needing your help". She paces through the tiny apartment. 

Out of nowhere, Lucy throws her arms around her and hugs her. It's not the kind of relief hug that she threw at her when they found her in her flat, after being kidnapped, but more of a calm, steady hug. Seeing that she won't withdraw, Millie eventually hugs her back, feeling Lucy's thin body. 

"You took care of me when I most needed you", Lucy whispers in her ear, "when I had no one but you, you were there for me. Let me do the same for you. Please."

Lucy makes her lay down on her bed, takes off her shoes and as soon as Millie's head hits the pillow, she's sleeping. Lucy watches her face as her muscles relax, and she falls into a more tranquil state of mind. 

Now Lucy is concerned as to where and how she should sleep. She was conscious that only having one bed would be an issue when discussing with Alice as to where Millie should sleep, but she could bet that Alice wouldn't have been able to offer another option either. Not many people had a spare bed in their houses, not after the war, that's for sure. 

Carefully enough not to wake her friend up, Lucy undresses, puts on a nightgown and quickly makes her way into her bed. Their bed, maybe, for some time. As it had been back in Millie's apartment before her and Jean had got her the other bed. She would have never said it, in fear of sounding ungrateful, but she would have rather continued sharing bed with Millie if given the option. 

The heat emerging from her body, her calm breathing… all of that helped her to distract her mind of the terrible things she had been seeing lately, and which still haunted her in those moments before her sleep. But now she had Millie again, in her bed. Their bed, for now.


	2. Sleeping in

Millie woke up to find her left arm on Lucy's waist, her friend so close and facing herself, that they had been breathing each other's air all night. She couldn't recall how she fell asleep, she just remembered a warm feeling of safety swallowing her as her body adapted to this new, unknown bed. Unknown to her. But had Lucy had anyone over yet? She knew Lucy wasn't the kind of girl for one night stands, but feeling free for the first time in so many years could have made her do things that her old self wouldn't have done. Millie felt an urge to know, but there was no way without asking Lucy directly. Or was there? Her only suspect was that chap that worked with Lucy, the one she always mentioned, the one who was such a master at opening doors with a fucking hairpin. Ben. That was his name. Ben. Bloody Ben. Since the first time Lucy said that name, she had felt nausea. 

Lucy sighed, and Millie came back to reality. Should she stop embracing her? But it felt so damn right. If Lucy woke up, she resolved she'd just fake being asleep, as if she hadn't noticed that they had been lying so close for such a long time. Did it matter that much, who Lucy had been with? Just seeing her angel-like face sleep like that was enough to make her forget all that nonsense. Lucy was not hers. She had never been, she never would be. "Move on, Millie", she thought to herself. She remembered when, back at Bletchley, she thought that Lucy was sometimes weirded out by how close her and Susan were. Even if nothing happened, in the end, with Susan. Nothing more than a few, innocent, kisses, that was all. Maybe Lucy had now forgotten all of that, and she didn't think that Millie might… oh, but no, Lucy didn't forget things. 

As if compelled by Millie, Lucy opened her eyes slightly, and asked: "What time is it?". 

Millie checked the small clock that lay in her friend's bedside. "Oh, darling", she rose, "it's already eight o'clock, you must get going to work, you're already late!". 

Lucy burst out on a soft, "just woke up" laugh. Millie looked at her, puzzled. 

"It's Sunday, silly. I have my day off on Sundays!" She got her pillow from under her head and gently hit Millie's astonished face. 

"Oh, of course", she went back to lying down. At least, with her fast reaction, she thought Lucy probably wouldn't have noticed how close they were, or even that Millie's arm had been around her waist, probably all night. "What shall we do, then, on your day off?"

"Sleep for ten more minutes," Lucy looked at her in the eye and pouted. 

Now Millie was the one to laugh. "Of course, dear". She wanted to hug her. So bad. But she contained. 

"Will you hold me? Just like you were doing before I woke up" Lucy asked, with her eyes closed, as if what she was saying didn't mean a whole world to Millie, "I feel so much safer if you do that".

Without a word, Millie put her arm around Lucy's waist, just as she'd been doing before the younger one woke up and, as tired as she was, she found herself incapable of falling asleep. 

______

It was half-past nine, the second time they woke up. 

"When was the last time you did this?" Millie asked. 

"This? As in what?" Lucy looked at her, not knowing what she meant. She was so damn innocent most of the time, but then, sometimes, Millie saw something in her eyes that made her doubt… 

"Oh, I just meant waking up and going back to sleep. You probably haven't had much chance to do so, since you started your new job." Even she didn't know what she was looking for when asking these questions. Well, she knew what she wanted to know, but she didn't know how to ask Lucy without sounding too… Indiscreet? Nosy? Jealous?

"Hmm…" Lucy was making the bed, and seemed more concentrated in placing the two old pillows in exact symmetry than in Millie's question, "no, it has probably been a while, now that you mention it." 

She looked so jolly that Millie couldn't bring herself to delve into the matter. She would never forgive herself if she were to upset Lucy just for any of her own selfish feelings. 

Lucy suddenly turns to face Millie, "But I don't sleep as good as before, you know, since the war and everything." And she keeps on with her daily tasks. 

Millie just wants to hold her tight and never let go, make her feel good; so good that she will sleep without a single nightmare again.


	3. Dinner, tonight?

The rest of Sunday went by fast. They strolled along a park close to Lucy's, they had tea and then sat in silence in front of the tiny fire at the small apartment, while Lucy mended her work clothes and Millie read a book. 

"What is it you're reading?" Lucy was tired of sewing, her eyes could barely see now that the sun was gone. 

"Oh, just an author I really like, you probably never heard of her," Millie put a finger on the page she was reading, and turned the cover to show Lucy. 

"Virginia Woolf… Mrs. Dalloway" Lucy read, "no, definitely, never heard. Is it any good?"

"It is indeed. It's brilliant" Millie put a bookmark, put the book down, and turned to face Lucy. "I just discovered her recently, in fact, Jean was the one who recommended me one of her novels, Orlando. It fascinated me so much." Millie had dreamy eyes, looking at Lucy but lost in her imagination. "This woman, Virginia Woolf, she lived the Great War, she was so intelligent and surrounded by such interesting and progressive people. She didn't live that far from here, in Bloomsbury, in fact". 

Lucy could not take her eyes off Millie. She was so passionate and so full of life when she spoke about anything that interested her. Especially literature. Lucy could tell that Millie had gone to a nice, fancy school; she knew so many things, she had studied Greek and Latin, she knew the classic authors, she could read in so many languages…

"Maybe we could go and visit that… Bloomsbury… the area. Do you think she still lives there?" Lucy could not help herself, "I would love for you to tell me more about her."

"Oh, no, she killed herself," Millie came closer to Lucy, just enough for her to smell her friend's french perfume. Despite all the trouble that had put her into, she had still kept some of the products for herself. Millie was not one to toss away any luxurious items if she could get a hold of them, and, God, did she know how to put them in good use. "When she saw that another war had started and that it would probably be even worse than the one she had lived, she lost all faith in humanity, she fell into a depression, and she killed herself by filling her coat's pockets with stones and walking into the River Ouse."

Lucy stood petrified. She had recently lived difficult experiences, a mad man killing innocent women, a man killed in his own house by a part of the army, only for power, but someone killing themselves in such a manner… it gave her the chills. 

"Anyhow, we could go to Bloomsbury some time, if you still want to" Millie smiled at her "it would be a nice trip, maybe for next Sunday."

Lucy smiled back and imagined the both of them strolling through London, getting on and off buses, maybe (probably, if it were for her own sense of orientation) getting lost…

The rest of the day went by quickly, as did the beginning of the week. Lucy was occupied all day by her job at Scotland Yard, and Millie kept the apartment clean and tidy in her own way when she was not away looking for a job. 

As days kept passing by, Lucy started to grow worried that, at any moment, Millie would think it was a good idea to go back to her own apartment. She started considering arguments to stop her when the moment came. 

It was, in fact, too dangerous for her to go back there. The Magro's knew where she lived, the most sensible thing would be to end her lease on that apartment and stay with her. They could bring the spare bed she had if Millie wanted it. This way, when Millie found a job, they would be able to save some money. But then again, they'd had the chance to do so when Lucy was living at Millie's, and she always felt the obligation to look for her own place. Maybe Millie did not want to live with her, after all. 

Friday came around, and as soon as Lucy got to her office, Ben was sitting on her desk, waiting for her. 

"Luce, good morning," he smiled charmingly, "I just wanted to make sure you remembered". 

"What exactly?" Lucy looked at him puzzled. She did remember data, full pages of information, and horrible scenes that she would have loved to erase from her mind, but she had no idea what Ben was talking about. 

"Dinner, tonight," he stood up, "you know after I let you see the…" he lowered his voice "the files on Vice, we agreed that today was a good day". 

"Oh, yes, that's true. I did remember, I simply had my head elsewhere." She did not recall putting a date on that dinner, but she would have to do it sooner or later, so it might as well be tonight. He leaves with a satisfied smile on his face. 

The day goes by slowly, there is not much work for Lucy to do, and she can not stop thinking of excuses for Ben but ends up giving in and accepting that she is having dinner with him tonight, and not with Millie in their apartment. 

As soon as she gets home, she knows there's something going on. She doesn't have much time to get changed, as she agreed to meet Ben in less than one hour, and it will already take her thirty minutes walking at a fast pace to get to the restaurant where he is insisting on inviting her. But as she opens the door, she sees Millie, with a bottle of wine, and looking amazing. 

"Luce, Luce, Luce, I got my job back!" She serves her one of the glasses, quite fuller than it should be. "Not snuggling luxury products, obviously, but translating for germans! Apparently I'm not blacklisted anymore, and all my old clients are back, apologizing and saying that they didn't find another translator as good as myself!"

"Oh Millie, I'm so happy for you!" they toasted. 

"I'm taking you out to dinner, to celebrate!"

"Oh…" Lucy sits on her chair, "I can't, not today…"

Millie lowers her glass of wine, her smile frozen, waiting for an excuse. 

"I'm having dinner with Ben tonight"

Millie sits down. "Oh, that chap in your office." She takes a big sip of her glass. "Well done, we will celebrate any other time, don't worry. You go get him."

"No, it's nothing like that, I don't… he doesn't… I don't think that he thinks…" Lucy wants to tell her that she has no intentions whatsoever with Ben, she simply agreed to this dinner with him some days ago. Or so he says, anyway. 

"Well, I might call Alice, then, if you don't mind, and I'll try to sleep at hers tonight, you know, just in case" Millie winks at her, stands up and leaves the apartment, heading for the telephone booth just outside their building. 

"That really won't be necessary" Lucy muttered, but Millie was already gone. Alice, of course… Lucy doesn't know where her hostility towards her comes from, but she does not trust Alice, not at all.


	4. Night Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones, but I got too excited while writing it! Hope you enjoy :)

"So she's gone out to dinner with Ben", Millie sits across Alice in a nice restaurant. His name comes out of her mouth in a much more mocking tone than expected; she can't help it. 

"I think she fancies him" Alice looks at Millie in the eye, "don't you?"

"Well, I don't know," Millie avoids her stare. She knows what Alice wants from her, she has not been the most discreet. In any other situation, at any other time, Millie would have been more than happy to give it to her, but she is just not in the mood. She can't get Lucy out of her mind, and that is driving her insane. "I don't know if she fancies him, I think Lucy is just being nice and polite; he probably invited her out, and she couldn't say no. They see each other every day at work, after all." That didn't help much. 

Millie didn't know if Lucy liked Ben or not, what she knew is that Lucy was clearly not interested in her, not that she had ever held any hope. Maybe she should just follow Alice's lead, and see where that takes her.

"Yes, but she's mentioned him quite a few times, I don't think that he's just a colleague."

"Do you want to go and have real fun, after dinner?" Millie is desperate to change the subject, although it was she who brought it up. 

After paying the bill, Millie calls for a cab. A few of her clients had given her some extra money when apologizing, because of how terribly they felt for having treated her like a dangerous spy, and also because they had realised how important not only her job was, but her savoir-faire; most of the other translators either ended up screwing the deal, or were as boring as a watching paint dry. 

She had planned on spending that money on Lucy, taking her out somewhere fancy, maybe buying her a gift, always in a gesture of gratitude out of letting her stay in her apartment, but she certainly wouldn't now. At least not all of it; she would still buy some food tomorrow for the both of them, and then move back to her flat as soon as possible. How desperate she was for Lucy to just bring that subject up, so she knew what she was thinking. After all, it had been Lucy who left her apartment and looked for something of her own, probably in seeking more intimacy. They even had two beds, and still, Lucy left. She probably didn't want to live with her, and now, if this thing with Ben did get a little serious… She'd rather not know if Lucy was sleeping somewhere else. 

______

Millie cannot read the time on her wristwatch by the time they get home. Not because it isn't working, but probably because she shouldn't have had the last two or three whiskeys on the rocks. They have laid out the perfect plan: her and Alice will now go to Lucy's apartment, they'll get her stuff and she'll move into her own apartment again. She just desperately hopes that Lucy is in there alone, or she can't predict how she will react. 

Alice has been even more forthcoming about her intentions since the fourth drink. She was all over Millie in the last pub they visited. Thank God it was "only for women", and only for women with specific preferences for other women; otherwise they would have certainly had put themselves at risk. Not that Alice cared much, she was only paying attention to Millie's lips when she spoke, to her thighs when they danced, Millie could swear that Alice even touched her breast deliberately. Not that she minds, it's just… 

"Not today, Alice", Millie put a hand in front of her friend's face, right after she had stolen one kiss from her, but just before she went in for a second one, more intense and probably unstoppable, not only for Alice. Millie'd had too much to drink, but she still knew when it was time to end it, "maybe some other time, but not right now, sorry". 

Alice got the message, but she continued to hold on to Millie. They ordered another drink, and that was when the great idea kicked in. "You know what we should do?" Alice was yelling over the music, "go over to Lucy's and take your stuff back to your place, don't you think?"

So there they were, Millie was having trouble putting the key in the keyhole, she had been at it for five straight minutes when the door opened, just a tiny little bit, leaving a space through which Millie saw Lucy's green eye, as greener as ever. 

"Oh my God, I can't believe you two", Lucy let them in and closed the door behind them, as they giggled, "I thought it was burglars, or kidnappers or worse, the Magros!"

She's wearing her nightgown and her hair is a pretty mess from having slept on it. And, to Millie's satisfaction, she's on her own. She sits down in her bed, as she tries to resettle. 

"How was your date?" Millie asks, before even knowing she was going to do so. She can't take her eyes off of Lucy. She looks even sweeter when she's just been woken up and startled in the middle of the night.

"Good… it went well" Lucy looks at Millie in the eye, "how about you two? I see you've had quite a party". 

"Yes, and now we're picking up Millie's things and she's going back to her place", Alice can barely stand straight while she's trying to lift one of Millie's trunks, only half full. 

"You must be joking". Lucy stands up again. She looks like she's had enough of them, "it's half past four in the morning, for goodness sake, and you're too drunk even to stand up, imagine carrying Millie's stuff across town." She paces while the other two watch her, not really knowing how to beat that argument. "No, Millie, you're getting in bed right now, drink some water before, it'll help you feel better tomorrow. As for you, Alice, I'm coming with you downstairs, we'll get you in a cab, you'll get home and do exactly the same thing." She puts on a raincoat on top of her nightgown. "Well, chop-chop then". 

"Sassy", Millie mouths to Alice, as her friend is dragged by Lucy outside of the apartment. 

Millie obediently fills in a glass of water and stands by the kitchen table, absent-minded, just trying to get over this new, audacious Lucy she's just discovered. "I'll have to piss her off more frequently. And I thought I couldn't feel more attracted to her…". 

Lucy walks into the apartment again. She looks a little more relaxed, now that she's sorted one of them out. "I really can't believe how terrible you are, Millie". Lucy gets in bed, "come on now, tell me about your night out, Alice said you had a great time together". 

Was that jealousy Millie was sensing in Lucy's words? Or was she just too drunk?

Before getting in bed, Millie takes off her shirt and skirt, feeling Lucy's eyes on her. She's always been proud of her figure: she's tall with long legs, and skinny but toned. It's not the first time she gets undressed in front of Lucy, perks of living together, but it is the first time that her friend is not doing anything else besides watching her, and that makes her nervous. 

"Yes, it went well. We had dinner at a nice restaurant, and then we went to a few pubs to have a drink or two". 

"Or a few more, by your state when you arrived," Lucy sounds rather more diverted than angry now, and Millie is happy that's the case. 

"Yes, well, Alice can't handle a drink as I can. To be fair, it was her idea to move all my stuff back to my place". 

Silence took over for a few seconds too long. 

"About that…" both of them started speaking at the same time. 

"Oh, you go," Millie offered Lucy. She wanted to know what Lucy had to say on this. 

"Oh, well, I just wanted to say that you're free to move out whenever you want, of course, but that I'm happy to have you here, just so you know. You're not a nuisance, as Alice said you'd told her." She's hidden in the dark, and Millie cannot make her face out, but she can imagine that Lucy would be blushing if it were daylight. She gets a little excited with that thought. 

"Really? I feel so terrible, Lucy. I thought maybe you wanted some intimacy. You were so nice to have me here, but I feel like I've already taken enough advantage of your kindness. Besides, if your date with Ben went on so well, I'm sure you'll soon want to bring him over…" 

Millie gets closer to the bed, she has no clue on where her nightclothes are, but she has no trouble with sleeping in her underwear. She sits at the edge of the bed, to get a closer look at Lucy. 

"No, no, it was nothing like that", Lucy sits upright, "Ben… he… well, he likes me; I'm not a fool, I know that, but well I… I don't feel the same. I just went for dinner with him because he did a favour for me. He let me see some classified files while we were desperately looking for you, but I made it clear to him tonight that we couldn't be more than friends". 

"Is that so?" Millie's mood was suddenly lifted. She would have taken Lucy out for a dance right at that moment. 

"Yes, I tried to tell you before you left, but you were in such a hurry to go call Alice and all…"

It definitely was jealousy.


	5. Sunday at Bloomsbury

Lucy woke up before Millie on Sunday, as usual. She was excited about their day trip to Bloomsbury. On the evening before, they had both gone shopping groceries and bought a few things to bring along, so they could have a picnic if the day was nice enough. Lucy smiled to herself as she remembered that Millie had insisted on paying for the food, now that she had her job back. 

"Just as a little payback for all you've done for me," she said, as she softly wrestled against Lucy, who was trying to give the woman in the store her money. At the touch of Millie's hand on hers, Lucy wanted that tiny, childish moment to last forever. "Come on Luce, or I'll feel the need to leave your home and go back to my place". 

She had finally given up and let Millie pay, hoping that meant she was planning on staying longer. Lucy had sensed that, since their late-night conversation on Friday, Millie's mood had improved considerably. She was glowing, almost levitating and not walking.

Lucy was thinking about this while preparing their small but dainty meal to go. Millie had bought a bottle of the nicest wine they'd found at the store, which was nothing compared to the expensive champagne that she used to sell in the "black market", but was also way less problematic.

"What are you doing up so early?" Millie murmured from their bed. 

"It's not that early, you sleepyhead. It's already nine", Lucy turned around to watch Millie revolve in bed and look at her with sleepy eyes. 

"Oh, gosh, nine is too early for a Sunday", she put her head down again, "can I have ten more minutes? Then I'll get ready, and we can leave". 

Lucy enjoyed the everydayness with which both of them had learned to move and speak around each other. She would always wake up first and then wake Millie up, who would prepare the morning tea and breakfast while Lucy tidied the house. They just complemented each other. Sometimes, when they had someone over besides Jean or Alice (mainly nosy neighbours, not that many people visited them), they would share a gaze and try to keep a straight face, just to end up laughing at whatever flaw they'd both noticed in that person when they were gone.

"Sure, rest for ten more minutes, I'm finishing our picnic preparations", Lucy sounds a bit more excited about it than she intended, but right now she cannot care less. She loves their plans for today, and she loves the idea of spending an entire Sunday on her own with Millie. 

She recalls again how, yesterday, Alice passed by the flat, with the excuse of apologizing to her about waking her up at half-past four in the morning. 

"So, what are your plans for tomorrow?" she asked Millie, after a few minutes of small talk about the weather and how her head hurt from all the alcohol they'd had the night before. 

Lucy was sure that her expression had changed at that same moment. She had not been conscious, until then, of the importance that her being alone with Millie had in the whole perfection of their plans. But she would not stand Alice throwing herself at Millie for the entire day. She could barely stand her for more than ten minutes…

"Oh, I've got some work stuff to do", Millie had said and drunk a big gulp of her tasteless tea, and avoiding eye contact with Lucy by all means. "You know, you're never free when you work for yourself".

Alice had reacted with a pout, and that had been the end of the conversation. Lucy didn't dare to bring this up to Millie, but she was so grateful to her friend for having stopped Alice from joining them, that she barely thought of Millie's reasons to do so. Maybe she, too, wanted to enjoy their alone time? That gave her the chills. 

"Are you cold?" Millie asked, from the bed. 

"Oh, no", Lucy was suddenly aware of the present, "no, no, I was just remembering…"

"What?" Millie stood up. 

She would definitely not tell her what she was thinking about. 

"Just remembering, you know how my mind works", and without intending to appear sad, she guesses she does, because Millie surprisingly embraces her from behind, putting her arms around Lucy's waist and resting her head in her shoulder like she's never done before. 

"Oh, stop recalling bad moments," she whispers in her ear, "this brain of yours is too damn powerful". And with a last tightening and a light kiss on her head, she lets go of their embrace. 

Lucy stays still for a few seconds as if this could make their embrace eternal. 

____________

As they arrive at Bloomsbury, almost an hour and a half after having left their apartment, Lucy notices she is not walking but almost hopping along the way. Millie is following her pace, with such a smile in her face that Lucy wishes nothing could ever erase it. They stroll along several streets, just chatting and jiggling, walking side by side. Until Millie stops and stares at a building. 

"It's here", she double checks an address she wrote down on a paper. "46 Gordon Square. It's here Luce, we're standing right in front of the door where it all began. Virginia Woolf met here all these bright intellectuals. Imagine, she met EM Foster, Roger Fry, her husband to be, Leonard Woolf…"

Lucy did not know who Millie was speaking about. She tried to reach out in her memory for those names, but the most she got was seeing a few biographies with those names in the Library. Millie stood in awe in front of the building, not very different from any other around -just a building made of bricks, with white windows- as if it had magic within it.

"Are you okay?", Lucy asked as she put her arm around Millie's shoulder. This movement took all the courage she had, and she had to make the greatest effort not to tremble. 

"Yes, it's just…", Millie does not move under Lucy's touch, and the youngest one interprets that as her gesture is welcome. "It's just… It's stupid."

Lucy looks at her with pleading eyes. She genuinely wants to know what Millie is thinking. 

"Nothing you say is stupid to me, Millie", their faces are so close, that she can almost feel Millie's warm breath in her own lips.

"I just feel there's some kind of… essence. Here", Millie gestures towards the building, "I think, I don't know, that maybe if I were to trespass the threshold, something sacred, something beyond us, would maybe… inspire me?" she looks at Lucy, again their faces so close it aches, "Oh, I told you it was dumb", she turns around, freeing from their half embrace. 

"It's not, Millie", Lucy turns to watch her. "Stop, come". 

Not knowing where the determination comes from, Lucy rushes towards the main door and stares back at Millie who, in awe, follows her slowly. 

"What are you doing?" she suddenly speaks in a whisper, as if they were kids playing a mischievous prank. But she ends up by Lucy's side. 

Then, Lucy tries the doorknob, and nothing else but sweet destiny could explain why it is unlocked. They are inside.

The building had probably been renovated recently, after the war, and was now a series of apartments. So they found themselves in the hall, giving way to two other doors, probably individual households, and some stairs which would end up in the same conditions. But just being inside the building made Millie glow again, as if, for real, she had been struck by an inspiration goddess. 

Lucy could not take her eyes off her friend.

____________

A while later they are sitting in a park close by, and Millie cannot stop telling Lucy all she knows or thinks about Virginia Woolf. She bites the pie that Lucy has made for them earlier this morning. 

"Oh Lucy, this is the best pie I've ever had", Millie's eyes widen, "I won't be able to leave your side, is there anything you can't do?" 

Lucy blushes. "So… she met her husband in this house?"

"Oh, yes. I think he went to college with her brother, but I'm not quite sure."

"And was that book you were reading, Orlando, about him?" Lucy was scared of sounding dumb. Millie knew so much about books and literature. She did read herself, but she enjoyed more romantic novels, easy ones, to take her head off things. 

"No. Orlando… well, she dedicated that to a lover"

"Oooh, she had a lover? This is getting interesting"

"Yes, Vita Sackville-West. She was an aristocrat. She was ten years younger than Virginia Woolf, but still, she was courageous, smart… she was a free spirit". Millie looks up from the pie into Lucy's eyes, "I would have liked to find a love like that."

"Meaning, another woman?" the words have escaped Lucy's mouth before she is capable of thinking what she's about to say. 

"Would you judge me, if that's what I meant?" Millie is now staring at her feet as if all the confidence was gone. 

"Oh, Millie, maybe I don't have the same education as you do. Maybe I haven't been friends with so many intellectual people, and haven't moved in progressive circles as you have," Lucy feels it becomes hard to breathe, "but of course I wouldn't judge you", she puts her hand on top of her friend's, "of course not". 

Millie looks her in the eye. 

"Alice kissed me on Friday".


	6. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is about to end! Sorry for the delay in posting this last chapter, I wanted it to be special, but not too long, and I'm not sure I got it right but I hope I did!!! Enjoy!!!

Millie hadn't seen Lucy since last Sunday after they came back home from Bloomsbury. It was already Friday, and for one reason or the other, Lucy had managed to avoid her. She was suddenly waking up earlier than usual, mumbling on Monday that she had a lot of work for that week, but not giving any other explanations on the next days for her same behaviour. Then, at night, she was either already in bed, asleep, when Millie arrived -never later than 8 pm, which was not her usual bedtime-, or went straight to sleep as soon as Millie did get home, saying that she was extremely tired. So hadn't really talked much. Or barely at all, to be more precise. 

Millie kept replaying the previous Sunday in her head, over and over. First, they had gotten to Bloomsbury and Lucy was so excited about life: she made the best picnic ever, she seemed to want to know everything about Virginia Woolf, she even kind of broke into the building where the writer had lived, after Millie told her that she would have loved to go inside. She was happy and full of joy… but then Millie ruined everything. 

She had thought that telling her about Alice's kiss could be kind of a test, as childish as it could sound. She didn't want to hide who she was anymore. Not to Lucy, at least. She wanted her to know her full self, and she had been thinking about telling her how she felt for her. She was probably wrong, but she did feel Lucy closer than ever, and maybe, just maybe… Telling Lucy about Alice would certainly lead to telling her about how Millie had felt for certain women sometimes. She had been rehearsing her speech in her head for a while now; at night, when she couldn't sleep, feeling Lucy's body so close to hers: she would go little by little, first telling her about Alice's kiss, then about how Susan and she had been close during Bletchley, or how she had met a few women after that and then, maybe if Lucy was handling all the information fine, she would drop the bomb: "Lucy, I think… well, I'm certain: I have feelings for you. I will obviously not act on them, if you don't want me to, and everything will go on as it has up until now, but I couldn't lie to you any more about it". 

But no. After telling her that Alice kissed her, Lucy had reacted as if she had never been more disgusted by any other idea. Not even a dead corpse in a basement. Millie didn't even mention that she might have been attracted to other girls before, as Lucy hadn't given her a chance. Just as she had told Lucy about Alice, just as those words had left her mouth, she had regretted them. And she was certain that she would always feel that way. 

Not that Lucy had actually said that she was sickened by the idea. Of course, Lucy was too nice to say something like that out loud. But she had stood up, and told Millie that she didn't feel good, that she had to get back home. 

When Millie was picking up their stuff, Lucy told her that she would go back by herself. 

"Please, Millie, you've come all the way here, don't let me ruin your day", Lucy was giving Millie her back, not able to look at her. Millie would have sworn that she was fighting not to cry; and before she could answer, Lucy was gone. Mille was devastated. She was used to other people making comments without knowing about her, she was used to living a life full of secrets, but she would have never thought that one of her best friends would be so repulsed only because she inevitably loved her same gender. 

__________________

Lucy is walking back home from the Police Station. What a terrible week she's had. She just wants to lie in bed all weekend, with the blinds down, and feel sorry about herself. 

She knew before how she felt about Mille, she was growing more and more conscious about it, but she did not know these feelings could be so powerful and make her so miserable as well. 

Lucy can not stop hearing what Millie had told her "Alice kissed me on Friday". Surely that's why they had arrived so late that day, and that was probably why Millie wanted to move out of her flat. Maybe she was even considering to go and live with Alice?! The more she thinks about it, the worst she feels. But she cannot avoid her mind revolting around the same subject, over and over: "Alice kissed me on Friday". She cannot unsee Millie's face as she had said it, full of hope. What did she hope for? Her blessing? Wasn't it tough enough for her to know that Millie had been kissing (and maybe more) someone else? Did she also have to sit down and hear Millie give her more details that she would never be able to erase from her mind? She would rather die than know. 

With all the thinking, Lucy realizes she's already opening her apartment's door. 

Millie is sitting in one of their two chairs, with her elbows firmly set on the table. It is obvious that she has been smoking more than usual; the whole apartment is full of smoke. Lucy hates herself for not loathing that smell, but rather loving it just because it comes from Millie. What a stupid brat you are, Lucy, she's told you that she likes someone else and even this cannot make you stop wanting her this bad. 

"Hello Millie, I'm going to bed, I'm so tired…"

"Lucy no", Millie stands up and grabs her by her arm, firmly but gently, and Lucy feels as if electricity ran through her skin at the contact, "wait, no, please. We need to talk". 

___________________

Millie takes a deep breath and sits down in the bed. Lucy does not move, and Millie pats her side, imploring her to sit down with her eyes. Is she so disgusted by the fact that I've kissed another woman, that she won't even look me in the eye and sit by my side?

"Listen, Lucy, you have been acting strange ever since…"

"No I have not", Lucy's tone is rough and aggressive, but it softens to say the next sentence; "I've had a very busy week".

"I don't know what's wrong, but I'm not a fool, Luce", Millie hesitates before doing so, but she finally puts one hand over Lucy's, hoping that she won't pull away. And she doesn't. Lucy looks at their hands and then lifts her eyes to look at her for the first time in a week. Millie sees in them so much despair that she could drown, "I just want us to be okay, I just want us to be like before all this. If I said something that you didn't want to hear, please, un-hear it, pretend like it never happened, I swear I will never bring it up, never again". 

"But… but I… but you… you will eventually act upon it, Millie, and you know. You're so stubborn when you want something, and I really like that about you, but right now…"

"Oh no, Lucy, I care about our friendship more than anything else", Millie cannot hold her tears by now. So Lucy knew how she feels for her, and now she's scared that, eventually, she'll try to lead her into something that she does not want to do. Maybe she even thinks that she'll force her. After what Harry did to her, who knows what Lucy is thinking? She knew from the beginning that she could not have Lucy's love, but she won't let their friendship be ruined by her selfish longings. 

There's a silence. Lucy is also crying, although silently. 

"Listen, Luce. I didn't want to hide my feelings from you, but seeing that you are so distressed and disgusted by them, I swear that I will never act on any of my desires."

"Oh, Millie, but that would be so selfish of me," Lucy can't or won't stop crying, "I cannot forbid you from kissing…" she lowers her voice, as if even mentioning it would make it more real "from kissing Alice. Or kissing whoever else you might want to kiss, but I think that I would die if I knew you loved anyone else". 

"Wait, what?" Millie stands up, "you think I want to kiss Alice?" 

Lucy is so perplexed that she stops crying, "well yes, that's what you told me on Sunday, didn't you?"

"No, Lucy, I told you that Alice had kissed me, not that I liked her," Millie paces, trying to make sense of things "I didn't even say that I would kiss her again". 

"But, she did kiss you, and you came back at half-past four, wanting to leave my apartment, and maybe move in with her, and you have been so close since you met, and…" 

Millie sits and smiles for the first time in what feels like ages. 

"Yes, yes, Alice kissed me, but I didn't kiss her back. It was actually her idea for me to move back to my place, and I was honestly a little angry at you for going out with Ben and not with me, I know, stupid, but still, I couldn't help it". 

"So… you don't like Alice?" Lucy's eyes seem to widen and Millie knows, now for certain, that she hadn't been wrong all this time. Not at all. 

"No, you dummy, of course I don't like Alice", she kneels on the floor, at the risk of looking ridiculous, but now she's eye to eye with Lucy, and that's worth the risk. She gently grabs her hands and takes a breath, "I like you, Lucy. No, I love you, Lucy, and I have been feeling terribly ill because I thought that…"

But before she can finish saying how much of a mess they have been making about nothing, Lucy's lips are on hers, softer than any other she has ever pressed against her own before. Millie puts her hand on Lucy's head, softly caressing her hair, as she's been wanting to do for so long. They both open their mouths a bit less timidly, sweet tongues meeting for the first time, and Millie can sense how Lucy smiles in their kiss. 

"You kiss better than in my dreams, Millie Hartcourt", they separate a little, just enough for Lucy to say that. 

"I may have been practising in my own", Millie lunges into another deep kiss, wanting to show Lucy how much she had waited for her to stop being a fantasy.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you like it, there's probably more to come!
> 
> (And sorry for my English, I'm trying as hard as I can, but it's not my first language so excuse me if there are any major errors!)


End file.
